The ABC's of Toilet Training
Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their
child's development, if for no other reason than that it means an end
to changing diapers. But few moms and dads are prepared for how long
toilet training can take. Sure, some children master it within a few
days, but others can take several months. In fact, it's generally true
that the earlier you start, the longer it takes.
You and your
child have a better chance of success if you understand the elements of
training and approach the process in a clear fashion. Here are the
basic steps:
A. Assess your child's readiness -- and your own
Many parents begin toilet training when their children are about 2 and a half, but some kids won't be ready until 3 years old.
Watch for signs that your child is ready to start
(can he pull his pants up and down?), but try not to put on the
pressure. Rushing him when he's not ready will be counterproductive.
And remember that what worked for your older child might not work for
this one — boys tend to train a bit more slowly than girls, while
second (and subsequent) children may learn more quickly than firstborns.
Look beyond your child's developmental readiness, too. If he's
experiencing any turmoil or major change in his life, like a new
school, caregiver, or sibling, the toilet-training process is likely to
hit some snags and should probably be put off until things have settled
down.
There's also no sense in beginning toilet training when you
— or your child's primary caregivers — won't be able to devote time,
patience, and a dash of humor to the process. If you're in the middle
of remodeling your house, have just taken a challenging new job, or are
suffering from morning sickness with your next pregnancy, it's probably
not a good time to try to toilet-train your 2-year-old. Unless your
child is demanding that he gets out of diapers this minute, wait a
couple of weeks — or months — for other pressures to ease.
B. Buy the right equipment
First and foremost, invest in a child-sized potty chair or a special
adapter seat that attaches to your regular toilet. This eases the
anxiety some children feel about falling into the grown-up toilet
(others dislike the loud noise of the flush). Figure out what equipment is best for your 2-year-old
before you go shopping. You also might want to pick up an explanatory
picture book or video to help him get interested in training.
If you have a boy and are buying a potty chair, look for one without a
urine guard or with a removable one. You may have to wipe up a little
more stray pee, but the guards tend to bump into and scrape a boy's
penis when he sits on the potty, which can discourage him from training.
If you're using an adapter seat, make sure it's comfy and secure, and
buy a stool to go with it. Your child will need the stool in order to
get up and down from the toilet quickly and easily, as well as to brace
his feet while sitting, which helps him push when he's having a bowel
movement.
C. Create a routine
Set your child on the potty seat, fully clothed, once a day — after
breakfast, before his bath, or whenever else he's likely to have a
bowel movement. This will help him get used to the potty and accept it
as part of his routine. If there's not an easily accessible bathroom
around, bring your child's portable potty outside, to the playroom, or
wherever he may be.
Once he's fine with this routine, have him sit on the potty
bare-bottomed. Again, let him get used to how this feels. At this
point, let him know that this is what Mommy and Daddy (and any older
siblings) do every day. That is, taking off your pants before you use
the bathroom is a grown-up thing to do.
If sitting on the potty
with or without clothes is upsetting to your child, don't push it.
Never restrain him or physically force him to sit there — especially if
he seems scared. It's better to put the potty aside for a few weeks
before trying again. Then, if he's willing to sit there, you know he's
comfortable enough to proceed.
D. Demonstrate for your child
Children learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a
natural way to understand what using the toilet is all about. If you
have a son, it's simpler to teach him to pee sitting down
at this young age. Later, when he's mastered that, he can watch his
dad, older brother, or a friend pee standing up — he's bound to pick it
up quickly with just a little encouragement.
When you
demonstrate for your child, it's helpful to explain what's going on as
you're using the bathroom, and let him see afterward what you "made."
Then show him how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear,
flush the toilet, and wash your hands.
Even though you'll be
helping him with these activities for some time, especially wiping
after a bowel movement, seeing you do it and hearing you talk about it
will help him get used to the whole process. (When you wipe your child,
make sure to go from front to back, especially after a bowel movement,
to minimize the risk of urinary tract infections.)
If your child has older siblings or friends who are toilet-trained,
consider having them demonstrate, too. It can be helpful for your child
to see others close to his age exhibiting the skills he's trying to
learn.
E. Explain the process
Show your child the connection between pooping and the toilet. The next
time he poops in his diaper, take him to the potty, sit him down, and
empty the diaper beneath him into the bowl. Afterward, let him flush if
he wants to (but don't force him if he's scared) so he can watch the
contents of his diaper disappear.
You also may want to pick up a few potty-training picture books or
videos for your child, which can make it easier for him to take in all
this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as well as Uh Oh! Gotta Go! and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and miniature potty.
Keeping a book like this in the bathroom, or a poster or flipbook that
illustrates the steps in using the potty, can help your child get
familiar with the process and relate it to what he does in the
bathroom.
F. Foster the habit
Encourage your 2-year-old to sit on the potty whenever he feels the
urge to go. If he needs help getting there and taking off his diaper,
make sure he knows it's okay to ask you for help any time.
If you can, let him run around bare-bottomed sometimes with the potty
nearby. The more time he spends out of diapers, the faster he's likely
to learn, although you'll have to steel yourself to clean up a few more
puddles. Keep an eye out for nonverbal cues that he needs to go such as
jumping up and down in place, clutching his legs together, and swaying
from side to side, and remind him that the potty is there if he needs
it.
Sometimes children won't sit on the potty long enough to
relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage your child to sit
there for at least a minute or so. You'll have the best luck getting
him to stay put if you keep him company and talk to him or read him a
book.
When your child uses the potty successfully, shower him
with praise. Chances are that he'll continue to have accidents, but
he'll start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an
accomplishment. Still, try not to make a big deal out of every
trip to the potty, or your child may start to feel nervous and
self-conscious under the glare of all that attention. As your child
gets older and closer to being trained, he also might respond well to small rewards.
G. Grab some training pants
Once training is under way, consider adding training pants
— extra-thick cloth or disposables that pull on like underwear — to
your routine. They'll allow your child to undress for the potty on his
own, which is a critical step toward becoming completely potty-trained.
While cloth training pants are less convenient than disposable
pull-ups, many parents say they work better because your child can
really feel when he pees or poops in them. Whichever option you choose,
introduce them gradually — probably for a few hours at a time — and
stick with diapers at night for the time being.
When your child
consistently seeks out the potty whenever he has to go, it's time to
move on to "big-kid" underwear. Many moms and dads have found that
undies with a favorite character on them give kids a dandy incentive to
stay dry.
H. Handle setbacks gracefully
Virtually every child will have several accidents
before being able to stay dry all day long. When this happens, don't
get angry or punish your child. After all, it's only recently that his
muscle development has allowed him to hold his bladder and rectum
closed at all, and he's still learning why it's important to use the
potty. Mastering the process will take time.
What can you do?
Reduce the chance of accidents by dressing your child in clothes that
are easy to remove quickly, and teach him how to take off his pants by
himself. When he has an accident anyway, calmly clean it up and suggest
(sweetly) that next time he try using his potty instead.
I. Introduce night training
Don't give away that stash of diapers just yet. Even when your child is
consistently clean and dry all day, it may take several more months, or
even years, for him to stay dry all night. At this age, his body is
still too immature to wake him up in the middle of the night reliably
just to go to the bathroom.
When you're ready to embark on night training, your child should
continue to wear a diaper or pull-up to bed, but encourage him to use
the potty if he has to pee or poop during the night. Tell him that if
he wakes up in the middle of the night needing to go, he can call you
for help. You can also try putting his potty near his bed so he can use
it right there.
If he manages to stay dry for five nights in a row, it's a good time to start nighttime training
in earnest. Put a plastic sheet under the cloth one to protect the
mattress, and put your child to bed in underwear (or nothing) and see
how it goes.
There's not much you can do to help things along,
short of limiting liquids before bedtime, so if your child doesn't seem
to get the hang of it, put him back in nighttime diapers and try again
in a few months.
J. Jump for joy -- you're done!
Believe it or not, when your child is mentally and physically ready to
learn this new skill, he will. And if you wait until he's really ready
to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.
When it's over, reinforce his pride in his achievement by letting him
give away leftover diapers to a family with younger kids, or by packing
up the cloth diapers and sending them away with the diaper delivery
service one last time.
And don't forget to pat yourself on the
back. Now you won't have to think about diapers ever again — at least,
not until the next baby.
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